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If I stood for election to Parliament….

| April 10, 2015

Ivor-2014-02-16-Bench-In-Parish-Churchyard

Once again it’s time for a general election.

Leaflets are dropping through letter boxes, politicians are debating on television and the media is full of hype about who would do what if they were elected to Government.

Sadly the politicians seem to be debating issues like tax, Europe and other national topics that are miles from our everyday lives.

People have often said that yours truly should stand for parliament, indeed it would be a jolly good hoot putting my name forward and attending the count on election night to stand on the stage and hear my name read out together with the number of votes my good self received.

Of course if I were standing for parliament things would have to be done properly. There would be organised publicity stunts to maximise my exposure in the press, posters printed with my face on for people to put up in their windows and cars with loudspeakers on the top cruising the streets broadcasting my message to people sitting quietly in their living rooms.

Naturally your humble servant would need to have to have some radical policies to stand out from the other candidates.

Over the past few days, while sitting in my drawing room in my ancestral home, I have been thinking about the issues that really need addressing in our town. So here are the policies that would be in my manifesto (in no particular order) :

  • A total ban on bonfires in residential areas (except for a short time on the run up to Guy Fawkes night)
  • The restoration of weekly black bin collections
  • Reinstate full A&E services at Wycombe Hospital
  • Free solar panels for every home owner who wants them
  • A ban on parking on the road for anyone whose home has a garage
  • Re-assess the Council Tax on any house that has had any kind of structural alteration that may increase its saleable value
  • Toughen the planning laws to make it harder to carry out alterations on houses
  • Cancel HS2 to save the countryside
  • Subsidise bus travel and make the cost of bus journeys be based on the actual distance travelled like in a taxi
  • Discount the Council Tax for home owners who maintain their gardens
  • Bring back National Service for all who participate in anti-social behaviour or commit crime

Well, after reading my policies I’m sure you’re eager to hear more indeed you probably want to vote for me already.

Sadly I’m not standing for election this May and it’s unlikely that you will ever be able to put a cross on a ballot paper to vote for me. Indeed the chances of me putting the letters MP after my name are zero.

It’s just a shame the political parties of all sides are focused on national issues, sadly the minor things that would make our everyday lives so much better just seem to slip through the net.

When will the political parties learn that it’s really the local issues that matter most?

What do you think?

*My next blog will be published on Tuesday evening around 8pm here on the WycombeToday.com website.

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