Web Analytics

Opinion : How could social distancing be enforced in High Wycombe town centre?

| May 7, 2020


It seems that some form of social distancing could still be with us even if the lockdown restriction are relaxed.

Indeed according to reports in the national press it’s likely the Government may soon drop the ‘stay at home’ message in favour of something less restrictive.

So how could social distancing be enforced in High Wycombe town centre if people no longer have to stay at home?

My good self has read reports on national news sites that some towns may employ ‘social distancing wardens’ to patrol town centres. However in busy places their jobs may be rather difficult and they may end up having some rather tricky conversations with those who disrespect the rules.

But are there more effective ways to make sure people don’t gather, or loiter in the town centre and that ‘social distancing’ rules are enforced?

In my opinion the easiest way would be to fill all the litter bins in the town centre up with some fresh dung sourced from a local farm. The delicate aroma from the manure would definitely discourage anyone from stopping for a chat with friends or even loitering for a few moments.

If people aren’t supposed to be hanging around they won’t be needing to dispose of litter so the bins would be given another more useful purpose. When the manure needs replacing it could be used to fertilise the flower beds in the old Library Gardens in Queen Victoria Road.

You think my idea is daft? Well, it seems a variation on my idea was being considered by the town of Lund in Sweden who, according to a report on a national news site, were planning to dump a tonne of manure in a local park to deter up to 30,000 residents from gathering for the traditional Walpurgis Night celebrations  on Thursday 30th April 2020.

If every litter bin in Wycombe was filled with manure there would be no need for Public Space Protection Orders to stop people drinking in the streets. If the bins in the Desborough Road area were filled the problem with street prostitution would be curtailed immediately.

It would also put an end to the beggars who set up stall on the pavements in White Hart Street and the charity representatives (or ‘chuggers’) who pester passers by for their bank details in the High Street.

Of course not every part of Wycombe would need doing (or should that be dunging?). After all people don’t really go to the concrete wasteland of the Frogmoor area any more and besides with the failed fountains and the dreadful crimes that have taken place there recently, including acid murders, in my opinion surely the smell of dung wafting in the air in Frogmoor would perhaps freshen the atmosphere and make it more palatable?

My idea would surely be the next evolution on the plumes of smoke that emanate from the converted oil drums used by food stalls on the market to cook food. Indeed if it wasn’t for all that awful smoke just think how busy the market would be. If smoke can deter people like me just think what the smell of manure would do.

For enclosed spaces perhaps some bagpipe players could be hired to approach people disobeying social distancing rules and then given them a quick tune to make them move on?

Perhaps you have some other thoughts on good ideas to enforce social distancing in Wycombe town centre?

What do you think?

My blogs are published regularly here on the WycombeToday.com website.

You can also follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ivor.wycombe or on Twitter at https://twitter.com/Ivor_Wycombe.

Comments are closed.